Goodbye to all you wanted
by Xxbrokenpictures
Summary: She wasn't in charge of her life. She was judged without knowing. She fell in love. And lost. She's been given a new life and now she's said goodbye to all she wanted ..or has she. Buff/Spike!! PLS. R/R!!!
1. Goodbye to all you wanted

Goodbye to all you wanted  
-------------------------  
By: Buffy Ann Summers  
  
Summary: She wasn't in charge of her life. She was judged without knowing.  
She fell in love. And lost. She's been given a new life and now she's said  
goodbye to all she wanted ..or has she. B/S!! PLS. R/R!!!  
  
A/n: I was in a writer's block situtation and kinda wrote w/out thinking.   
This is the outcome .. I just thought I'd like to go and share it with you.  
If you want me to continue please review and tell me so!! um.. some of the  
lyrics are from Michelle Branch her 2 songs all you wanted and goodbye to   
you.  
  
Acknowledgement: thanks to Jackie for everything! Joanna! and to (my spike)  
Franklin, I'm not avoiding you!!  
  
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
(piano and drum intro)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Her eyes casted shadows on her face. This was her. This was now.   
This was the package she bore her entire life. Destiny, as they all call it.  
But to her, it was still a job. A job -a curse that prevented her from ever  
having a normal life. What is in a normal life? was it coming frome a loving  
family? is it in the movies up on the screens? was it ever printed in a   
book about a house with the white picket fence? -because if it did then she  
wasn't seeing the big picture of the puzzle.  
Life had ways of surprising you. One day your a normal fourteen year  
old worrying about how big the pimple on your forhead is and then in a flash  
of a second your worrying about apocalysps. Some wanted this life -give   
anything to have it. But she didn't. It came to her. It searched the ends of  
the world for her. What less could have it been if she searched for anymore  
meaning in her life. Was she doomed to continue the endless cycle? She was   
the girl the world never knew, and at the same the girl the world couldn't   
live without. Some life she led.  
But there are forces. Higher forces. Forces that led her here.  
Forces that gave her this destiny, this life, these friends, This-this body.   
It controlled the changes. It made the changes. It gave the dreams, it gave   
the nightmares. It gave the life, and it could as well take the like life.   
It altered, it changed, it moved. Cutting, dropping, pasting. Ancient forces.  
Unseen. Unheard. The air, the water, the earth were the judges. They watched.  
They listened. They too, controlled. And if they find you not worthy. A   
little peeve about you -You were gone, erased, and given a new life.  
So, What if you were judged -and you had never known it? What would  
you do? Would you sit down in the farthest corner of a room and stay   
quiet? or would you do anything to get it back? ....  
  
The clouds circled and danced. Twirled in the black heavens only  
millions, and million and miles above her. It looked pretty enough she could  
just reach up and grab it. The stars sang their songs and it was a bit   
windier than uusual. She twisted and turned in her little sancuary called her  
room. Memories upon distant memories piled up in her head driving her mad.  
Tears ran from her shut eyes and fell onto the colored cream sheets. They   
watched the torment. Pleading in silence. A silent prayer to stop. He   
watched.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Look into my eyes  
You will see, what you mean to me  
Search your heart, search your soul  
When you find me, then you'll search no more  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Light thumps were heard from his boots as he walked across the room  
to her. In torment shape, frustrated with pictures that confused her head.   
He wallowed in pity. His hardened mask of cruelty and predatory faded like  
ice on fire. What was wrong with him. The fully dressed in black figure sat  
down next to her. A person who's life was stained by her blood -her kind   
could yet minimized his hatred to a zero. A person who's history was not of  
the innocent but preyed on them was able to smile at this person and let her  
live. Why?  
It was because of feelings. Feelings let her live. Something of the  
subconsiouse within him he had never felt in an infinity of years. Awaking,  
and opening. The hidden youth that had been robbed of a freedom took it's   
first breath. He shook his head and the youth disappeared. It hid, while  
she suffered.  
"Buffy.." he called out to her in a calm voice as he stroked her  
hair in a slow motion. Instantly she opened her eyes and gasped.  
"oh my god..." she breathed heavily and ran into him arms "oh my  
god..." she said again. Too many images.  
"ssh... it's okay" he assured.  
She stopped and looked at him. His face didn't showed any   
likenesses of the spike she knew. The arrogant, rude, bastard-like,   
asshole one. This wasn't. His eyes were calm and his fingers (from the   
way he was stroking her hair) was shaking.  
"Why are you here.." she demanded, her eyes had now turned into icy   
glares.  
"I didn't see you .. I had to make sure your okay.." he replied,   
Buffy sighed.  
"If I wasn't up for patrolling that means I went to bed early" she  
scoffed "sorry, next time I'll call you"  
They were in the air she breathed. Listening, and watching. Around  
and everywhere was where they hid. Counting the minutes, counting the moves.  
"Sorry, pet" he chuckled "you sleeping was last on my list"  
The air thickened and stirred. Wispering and talking amoungst each  
other. Who was he?.. how did he relate to her?......  
"hm.. tired .. you know fighting the rrrr.. the nasties" she fell  
flat on her back "so .. tired.." she closed her eyes for a moment, then   
opened one eyelid at him "boo.."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Don't tell me, it's not worth trying for  
You can't tell me it's not worth dying for  
You know it's true everything I do I do it for you  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He gave the closes thing to a smile she could ever get him. His   
smile uttered unruly gothic matters that which he could never speak of.  
Thoughts, feelings, hidden behind his vampiric soul.   
"How tired, love?"  
It was the eyes of cold heartedness that vanished before any   
unrelated or uneeded features did. Nevertheless, his front was now   
human.   
"ooo..Very tired" Buffy added "what?.."  
He sighed "Why aren't you afraid of this face?"  
Features of what death looked liked reign an unfamliar note. She had  
seen those eyes before, the face. The face of enemies, her kind had fought so  
hard to rid the earth of. Their screams were heard every night. Screams of  
torture and pain. They whisper in her ear at night. Guesome details of death   
and blood that lingers in the air long after their bodies have decomposed.  
They've died, inevitably. And the person she was looking in the eye had   
already killed two. How awful. She was crossing enemy lines, again.  
Consequenses was a familiar friend. She knew them well. From one   
word to the other. End to end -she choose not to listen. Love didn't contain  
any certain boundaries, barriers, nor steps. Screw them all. It, was sooner  
ment to happen. These creatures of the night that stalked, these predators,  
murderers, -these killers, she could relate to them. In their twisted souls  
that echo and bounce off the walls of their darken cages inside them. They  
were tortured, they were brutated -mutilated, hanged, whipped, call them as  
you like. They were abused and their invisible wounds and scars were   
reminders of their hollowed souls. Like empty jars annulled from their life  
giving essence, that deep inside it reeks of the scent of a grieving heart.  
It moans for woes after woes. Needing, wanting to live and work -it does not  
function. Therefor, there is no use. No love lay here. Only, death.  
"Should I?" she questioned "I mean if there is a good reson.. should  
I be afraid of your face? It's just you."  
He smiled. Doors that have been sealed shut for centuries creaked on  
it's hinges welcoming the world in. It had been long. So long. So long to   
feel the wind blow against his face. To have this feeling. A forgotten foe  
to take over him and win the lonely battle. The battle unyet decided. The  
battle not yet won. The battlefield that called to him at dusk, and did not  
settle till the sky turned into colors of organge. Matters of the heart were  
his battles of the soul.  
She touched his face with a light stroke and all a sudden for a   
moment she chased the pain away. With her fingertips and child-like hands   
she played with his. Tangled, entwined, and twisted lay their hands for a   
moment. They conversed again. The air seemed to stiffen. It worried and it   
detested. Seemingly useless, was their thought of their feelings. Seemingly   
useless.  
"Your quite right pet..." he stroked her hair once again "your right"  
Bitter life. Bitter damned life that didn't accept him. Damned the  
society that refused to believe that their relationship of their kind could   
ever develope. Damn the thought of fire and ice. Damn the watcher, damn to   
the scoobies. Damn to everyone.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Look into your heart, you will find  
There is nothing there to hide  
Take me as I am, take my life  
I would give it all, I would sacrifice  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It cackled like the flame of a candle. Dancing and dancing in   
bewilderment. They rose this girl to the ut most perfection. Only now did  
they realize how perfection was hard to come by. Their perfected slayer was  
now in the hands of the enemy. Her life now hanged on a thin line of thread.  
She was falling and she wasn't even aware of it.  
Buffy closed her eyes once more. Trying to picture the dream all   
over again. Too many pictures, she remembered had vague discriptions and   
blurred photographs. Recollecting them was the hard part. It stabbed and  
punctured her brain till the insides hurt and she was left screaming.   
But pain was a companion. It stood by her. To blood till death. It  
stood with it's head hung over it's body and it's arm all limp all over. It  
constantly smirked or laughed. It only wisphered. Silent wispheres. Mind   
boggling wispheres that flooded her mind every hour of every day. Haunting   
and haunting with it's riddiculous riddles that inevitably had no answers.  
It was surreal and at the same time undeniable, that it made an actual kind  
of sense. But pain never carried a converstation with her. It often followed  
death around -like a tag along, it barely couldn't say anything. It wasn't  
allowed to.  
"Spike.." she called in an audible voice "Would you stay with me  
-til I fall asleep?"  
She looked like a frightened child. Nevertheless, this fightened   
child was his slayer. She looked strong but, he sensed deep down she was   
lost. Had she taken the road less traveled by others? Had civilization   
drove her to the brink of a dead end? She was shaking.   
Electricity cackled in the air outside. The judges have given their  
final verdict. Death walked away, this time hoping to be called back.   
Punishment took it's stand on the platfrom. It's long black hair touched the   
bright floor emmiting with power. Death was never coming back.   
The girl in her bed, closed her eyes and drifted into abyss. The  
dark abyss of tortured dreams and souls of no return. On the platform awaited  
punishment, and her long golden staff. Her face spoke of no news not touched  
by the ears of men.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for  
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more  
You know it's true, everything I do I do it for you  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Her dream of an utopian world where harsh reality was like the sun  
and dreams came like the moon, vanish in an instant. Punishement was not   
here to bring forth good news. And she knew that.  
"Hello little one.." she greeted, much less she was waiting for   
Buffy.  
She did a mild nod as the world she left behind in her tiny bed  
drifted away. Piece by piece. Person by person. So doth did the love she  
left behind -fell way.  
  
"disappointment are the forces of you" punishment continued, her long  
staff glinted and twinkled as thought it contained the stars of the heavens  
in the crystal ball it held "What thou does make of it? does ye have anything  
say?"  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"What does thee say to the cause of thou's masters appertaining   
rage?" the expression on her face did not change, calm was written all over  
it's face "is thou unaware of the consequences thou must face if the judges  
are not pleased?"  
  
"judges? consequences?" Buffy question "and can we cut the whole  
accent deal it's really freaky.."  
"Thou should not be rude under the presence, therfore thou must show  
respect" Punishment answered sternly "Thou must answer thy questions"  
"What if 'thou' doesn't want to" she answered stubbornly "who are   
you?"  
Punishment nodded and smiled "I am punishment"  
"What am I doing here?" came her second question  
"Thou is questioned by I, to continue to a next life. Thou must   
answer truthfully if thou does not want a harsh life.."  
"Want? -huh? last time I checked I have a life. I'm the slayer-"  
"What thou is, isn't thou no longer"  
"I SAID I am the slayer. I have a watcher, and friends"  
"What thou mentions, thou doesn't have"  
"are you speaking english?!"  
  
Footsteps were heard and punishment diverted it's gazed from Buffy.  
"quit yelling there, kid" came a voice "you really don't want to  
aggitate her.."  
"what does thou come?" she called "what does whistler want of I?"  
"nothing much, sweetie" he replied "I want her -the slayer"  
"she isn't of the slayer you speak ..."   
Whistler smirked "leave it to me ... I'll fill her in"  
Punishement bowed "As you wish.." and disappeared  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I wanted to be like you  
I wanted everything  
So I tried to be like you  
And I got swept away  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"So,kid" he sighed "how you holding?"  
"holding?" she scoffed "I getting a new life what do you mean how am  
I holding?! -I ..ugh. What did I do?"  
Whistler sighed. He treid stalling. But it seemed it wouldn't work.  
He didn't know how to do it -how to break her heart.  
"well, kid" he paused "um.. the forces that made you slayer are kinda  
pissed. You did something quite crazy back there kid"  
"What did I do? -I was sleeping!"  
"No.." he shook his head, "it isn't that, slayer. You fell in love  
with a vampire w-with Spike"  
"wha- huh?.. how did you?"  
Whistler leaned over "the forces heard Buffy -they are everywhere"  
"So then why didn't they do anything when I fell in love with Angel?!  
Couldn't they have poofed me out or what?!"  
"No..." he shook his head again "they let you slid on that one kid ..  
you were easily forgiven because I helped Angel be on your side.."  
"And Spike?"  
"Well, he's tough -and he's still evil. He's only neutred because of   
you.. He loves you Buffy that's the only thing that's making him like a   
harmless puppy -all bark but no bite. With or without that chip in his   
head." he sighed and continued in a depressed tone "We didn't see this coming  
-I'll tell you that even the forces are stumped. He wasn't suppose to fall   
in love with you either"  
"So what are you saying? -I was suppose to fall in love with ..."  
"Riley. We didn't know how -why he- well, just call us stumped,kid  
just let it be .. We need to focus now. You were given a judgement by the  
judges. The saw you not exceptional. You being in love with a vamp with a  
bad history and all .. And you fail -lost. Were going to see what to do with  
you now..."  
"But -what will happen to everyone? Giles .. a-and Spike?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I didn't know that  
It was so cold  
And you needed someone  
To show you the way  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Sorry, kid. There's nothing I can do in that department .. You   
weren't allowed to fall in love with Spike. Period."  
"But what will happen .. I-I mean I can't go around meeting them and  
they I'm dead -i-is that it?"  
Whistler sighed. Poor slayer. "I guess there going to think of you as  
they've never met you berfore. Sure their lives continue but it won't revolve  
around you..."  
She covered her face to hide her tears.  
"This-this can't be real .. I need to wake up.." she sobbed "This   
can't be happening .."  
Whistler chuckled "you know the thing is.. people always think that  
they are in charge of their own life. But in reality, they don't. The forces  
do every desicion made to every action. They rule your life. They know how  
you feel and how you will feel." he scoffed "hm.. that's something to think   
about isn't it..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
So I took your hand  
And we figured out  
That when the tide comes  
I'd take you away  
If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away  
From here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
Was somebody who cares  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Time ticked the hours away. She just sat there. What was going to   
become of her? Would she still be Buffy? Be someone who died? Be someone who  
was loved? Who knew.. The endless void swayed as if against a powerful wind.  
There was none. Darkness ate at it and it pretty muched nearly devored it  
before Whistler came, It regenerated. She rose her head.  
"so?" she spoke.  
He just looked at her with eyes of sadness.  
"It's time to go..." he answered giving her a hand.  
She looked again at the endless void that seemed to watch her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I love  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Goodbye to them. To friends -Xander,Anya,Tara, Willow, and Giles. To  
memories that slipped like sand in an hour glass. Couldn't hold onto. So  
easily slipped away. Washed away by waters and disappeared into nothing. How  
will their life be now -without her? How will her life be with out them?  
Will all of them still be there in their normal selves? or will they cease  
to exist just as their memory of her did?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Ohhh yeah  
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time  
I want whats yours and I want whats mine  
I want you but I'm not giving in this time  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Goodbye to Spike.  
"Go where?" she finally spoke, the words choked her but she forced   
the out.  
Whistler gave a wry smile. A smile that told her everything was going  
to be fine. But that smile was lying. She knew it and he did to.  
"Your new life.."  
  
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TBC.......... 


	2. Same old Brand new You

Same Old Brand New You  
----------------------  
By: Buffy Ann Summers  
  
Summary: She wasn't in charge of her life. She was judged without knowing.  
She fell in love. And lost. She's been given a new life. With a new slayer  
ruling her life. What is Buffy going to do now? B/F.. R/R!! Please!!  
  
A/N: Uh.. yea part two. in part one I forgot to mention Brandy's song. And in  
this fic um there's Bon Jovi, and mandy moore. I continued it and sorry if  
there is a bit of shakespear related writing *eh-he* sorry! were kinda doing  
Romeo and Juliet in one of my classes so the shakespear related high is still   
there in my head. Hehe. Anyways lemme know what you think!  
  
Acknowldege -ments: um... to jackie (for props) and joanna.  
wuv you!!!   
  
  
  
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She twisted, turned, flopped, and churned. Inside her soul that once   
contained the talented slayer. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.  
There were no angelic choir. There were no pearly gates. Just pain. Pain   
that throbbed inside her head -kicking, punching, and screaming. Pain   
commanding her to open her eyes. Wisphering. Many wisphers of many voices.   
Loud and confusing, but among them she heard familarity. A voice. A hope.  
An angel.  
"give her some air girls .. c'mon" came the voice of recongnition  
"what happened?"  
"she kinda *boom* fell on the floor" came one of the girls, which if  
she had opened her eyes who'd have seen them huddled around her.  
"Thank you uh- Rae for the-the visuals" the male voice answered "now  
if Autumn, Jacklynn, and Joanna .. please step back and give her some air I  
would appreciate it"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
This ain't a song for the broken-hearted   
No silent prayer for the faith-departed   
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd   
You're gonna hear my voice   
When I shout it out loud  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She didn't get it. None of it made sense. She opened her eyes to   
welcome the bright sun that expressed it's greetings by blinding her lightly.  
Who was she now?  
"G-Giles?" she had her voice, she had her hands, and body -hopefully  
"what am I doing here? -uh where's willow?"  
"Willow? um.. Buffy -it's Buffy isn't it?"  
She scoffed "nice joke Giles ... really it's corny but no haha funny"  
"she seems okay.." he muttered to himself "we'll just keep this to   
ourselves and not tell you watcher"  
She was taken back by his response "Watcher? .. aren't you my   
watcher?"  
The other girls giggled. Buffy shot them a look then reverted her   
gaze to Giles.  
"he can't possibly be your watcher" replied a girl with a french  
accent "he's the slayer's watcher, really" she scoffed and took one look at  
Buffy "yours?" she giggled again and buffy swore to herself she wouldn't hurt  
the girl -much.   
Buffy stood up and headed towards the girl's direction. She instanly  
had hate for the girl.   
"You know what -I just barely know you and I don't like you" she   
spatt "so .. I wouldn't talk if you have nothing nice to say or I'll be   
ripping that tounge out of you mouth.."  
"Girls. Girls" came giles "please .. now lets get on with our   
training please?"  
She tore her icy glare away from the girl with the ridiculous braided  
hair. They were mocking her literally. The forces -whatever they were. This  
was some kind of joke.  
"Stupid forces.." she muttered, she looked at Giles and everyone who  
seemed to be surprised at her.  
"lets get back to where we were shall we?" he nodded, "now all of   
you if one day choosen to be the slayer you must know differnt kinds of  
techniques to defend yourself..."  
His voice droned off. One day choosen? Questions rose in her mind  
and seemingly her head again throbbed. She shrugged it off. Much has   
happened in a little amount of time. She was a slayer-in-training and  
Whistler had a lot of explaining to do once she found him. Right now she had  
to figure a way to get out of here. Which was where exactly?  
Giles looked at her.  
"Buffy, will you come forward?" he called "now, girls I will show you  
how to defend yourself if ambushed from behind .. now" he positioned himself  
behind her and wrapped his arm around her throat, before explaining to the   
girl what she had to do, she did the next position which was to flip him   
over.  
Buffy smirked. This was what Giles tried to teach her when they first  
met. However, back then Giles was HER watcher. And not someone elses. She   
missed him. Even though he was right there in front of her she felt so apart.  
Suddenly a man burst into the room. He was around 5 feet tall and in  
a watcher-like outfit which Buffy couldn't yet begin to describe.  
"There's been a accident..." he spoke out of breath "Vampires" was  
his last words before the girls dashed out of the room. Looking eager to   
slay. 'This was stupid, she thought these girls had no experience whatsoever.  
They didn't have the right equipment' Buffy paused for a moment to grab a  
stake which she then hid in her black jeans.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
This is for the ones who stood their ground   
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down   
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake   
Luck ain't even lucky   
Got to make your own breaks   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The night was great friend to see again. It's black cloak that spead   
like an ashed colored blanket was out numbered by the amount of star that  
hung from the skies. They smiled and twinkled, watching the petite slayers  
jump about. To Buffy it wasn't a slay. It's was more like -a birthday party.  
Girls flying everywhere. She ducked an incoming attack from one vamp, a   
fledgling maybe -whatever it was it was now fish food. Not that fishes eat  
vampire remains or say dust. They just look like the fish food Willow fed her  
fishes before Angel decided to make a lovely necklace out of them. Poor   
Willow where was she now?  
She dusted a few more before realizing all the weaklings have been  
detucted to three vamps and on her side was -her. Buffy shook her head.  
This wasn't a birthday party, it was a freakin' nightmare. She sighed.  
"Why is it no matter what life I end up in I always end up fighting  
the strong ones?" she paused "it's not that your strong .. It's just that I'm  
getting tired fiting situations like these. So come on. You three against me.  
And I doubt you make me happy"  
"looky here, guys" chuckled a voice "a cute one isn't she"  
Her jaw dropped.   
"too bad" he continued "after tonight"  
"What"  
"I'm going to kill you"  
Buffy scoffed. It was the same. She was living the same life all over  
again "ooo.. yea I know the big bad. Don't you ever get tired of saying the  
same thing everytime we meet?" she scoffed again "Okay, Spike. Lets fight.   
I'm up for dancing"  
He stared at her. The girl that called her Spike.  
"Dance with you? are you off your bird" he questioned "I bloody want  
to kill you!"  
She had the stake in her hand. And walked up to him.  
"Yea. uh-huh." she smirled "but, before that let me kill your   
girlfriend" she spun behind her where Drusilla stood and staked her.  
Spike's body filled with rage and stared at the dusts on the ground.  
He didn't feel like Spike, but more of an animal. Losing control. He charged  
at the girl who's love died by her hands. Stained. Immortal blood taken by  
fair hands. What cruel fate could have unleashed this? his Drusilla, but weak  
and fragile creature that walked on two feet now slain by slayer's touch. She  
vanished by sight and hath a thought that came to him -was he blind to not  
see true love's lethel kiss, That gave her but one breath before fading out  
by thine eyes. True apocracy. Death came final outcome lunging it's sword  
though her chest. He laughed like a madman.  
"Damn you slayer" he cursed, glaring with eyes of the unknown "Damn  
you" he uttered once more before finally recieving a blow.  
Shedding but blood of his own, that greeted his lips he snarled. No  
longer was this creature a creature. This was a monster. Monster of the ages  
whereas defiled by mans eye. Hidden in true secret. Urged by sinful hands   
that did these sinful acts. But marked by the glaring moon which his love was  
sworn by death, came and sweeped her away. Upon a carriage did doth took and  
fled to the fires of hell, where Hades awaited to make her his bride.  
But this. This moment of pure hated and despise -he wished the   
moment wouldn't end and yet he wished to have gone back to time and save her.  
But it was over and done with. Spike was not the type to be grieving -he'd  
do that later. Later when this girl's blood is spilled over his hands. Joy  
and other feeling of happiness which could not be explained brought forth a  
smile on his wicked face. His front did not stay human.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It's my life   
It's now or never   
I ain't gonna live forever   
I just want to live while I'm alive   
(It's my life)   
My heart is like an open highway   
Like Frankie said   
I did it my way   
I just wanna live while I'm alive   
It's my life   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
No words were said nevertheless, there was no need to say anything.  
She wanted to say something. But realizing she just had killed his lover  
she shrugged it off. She ducked an attack. No more thinking. It would have   
gotten her killed. But she had not known Drusilla was there. She had not  
known they were still together. Was it still her fault?  
She pinned him on the ground. her legs bearing weight over his   
abdomen. She stared into his eyes. Those eyes she had lost. those eyes she   
had last seen before she -died. Had he known her? did he know who she was?  
"Spike" she said firmly, she pressed hard on his shoulders. She   
wanted him to know her. Some hint that he had seen her somewhere.  
"Spike" she said again with force "listen to me. I am having a very  
bad day. I just lost my life because of you. And if you continue to play the  
big bad wolf here -I swear"  
"Listen here, pet. Cut the crap. I'm not here to play dolly with a  
pre-slay. I'm here for the slayer -"  
"That's just it" she growled "I'm the slayer. And if you call me that  
I swear by this ground you lay on. I will beat you till you turn black and  
blue"  
He chuckled "lil' one has rocks"  
"oh .. I've got rocks alright" she paused, it seemed all to familiar.  
She stared at the man beneath her. She loved him once -in a lifetime.  
This man that promised her everything would be okay, he'll never leave her  
and that he loved her. But she felt alone, now. So clearly. Her face battled  
with tears that stung from her eyes, against her will. What was this? -a   
crying slayer. She smiled, she tried.  
"I remember" she spoke "I lay asleep. and you were watching me. I  
totally didn't want to ruin the moment but.. I watched you too. I watched you  
stroke my hair and listened when you tolded me that you loved me way back   
even before we met." tears fell to her checks as the man de-vamped "I   
guess I really was too stubborn to see it. But I think I fell in love with  
you too." she gave a silent laugh "I see it funny now. You were always tough.  
But when you were around me .. you saw my world. You saw how people saw me"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I'll always remember  
It was late afternoon  
It lasted forever  
And ended too soon  
You were all by yourself  
Staring up at a dark gray sky  
I was changed  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He watched her in eyes of amazement. This girl with hair like the   
enemy he had feared at daytime, with lips like a blossoming rose, and skin  
like the moon. She spoke as if she had known him for a long period of time.  
She was something. A dream. A vision.  
The air thickened again. They were there. Buffy felt them. She felt  
them as the hair on the back of her neck rose. They were watching. They were  
listening. She tore her eyes away from the man named spike. A sudden feeling  
of fear caught her. She had to leave. But she didn't want to.  
Her ears perked up and distant wispheres were heard. She tore herself  
away from him. It hurt like hell, but she ran. Tears fell from her eyes in   
the process and it was the least thing in her mind right now. She had to find  
Whistler.  
"Whistler! where are you?! get your ass over here!!" she yelled into  
the night. She was in the woods. where ever that was. The smell of pine was  
strong and Buffy crouched on her knees to bury her face with her hands.  
"Would you stop screaming, kid?" he came, crunching pine cones with  
his armani shoes "great" he muttered looking down at them "you could attract  
all sorts of things here in London"  
"London?!" she cried "that's where I am?! you put me in freakin'   
London?! what ever happened to 'were giving you a new live' blah-blah-BLAH!"  
"hey, slow down there" he answered "I told you I was going to do   
something to make it more easier for you. And it seemes you were destined to  
be this unknown big-shot slayer, so we gave you a life of a in training   
slayer to work the kinks out. You know one slayer dies another is brought   
out, that kind of deal." he chuckled "But lemme tell you this, Kid. We again   
didn't see that"  
Her face questioned him silently "what do you mean by that?"  
"One word, one syllable -Spike. It's crazy again he came out of   
nowhere. He's suppose to be in Brazil right now. You've stummped us,slayer."  
"Are you telling me you put Spike some place half around the world?  
and all of a sudden he poofs and just happens to be in England?" she thought   
for a moment "so correct me if I'm wrong. The forces and the judges -these   
high electrical power beings, these-these smart things can come up with   
anything -you really must be joking"  
Whistler nodded his head "you got us stumped."  
"So.. it's okay that Spike's with me"  
Whistler nodded his head "I guess"  
"So I can have my old life again, right?"  
"No"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I tried to pick the pieces up   
And I can't think of starting over   
We used to share the stars above   
I don't wanna think it changed   
And now I gotta move on   
I've gotta catch up to the world   
Even though I gave you my life   
As wrong as it seems I know it's right   
But is there a trace that I can go away   
To escape the love that I will forever know  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She stood there stunned. The words hit her like a ton of bricks.  
"What do you mean ..NO?" she asked "you said it's okay to love Spike,  
so what do you mean NO I can't have my life back?"  
He sighed "Well kid, we already have someone filling in your shoes.  
So basiclly we really don't need you at the moment."  
"At the moment? so your saying I can't have my life back because  
someone's already slayer?!"  
Whistler nodded.  
"Okay, yea .. I think I got it" she paused "So what if something   
happens to this new girl. what will happen?"  
"You be choosen the next slayer"  
Buffy grinned and scoffed "Okay.. now I know what I have to do.."  
She began walking, before whistler replied to her.  
"What are you going to do now?!" he yelled  
Buffy smirked "don't you know? since you know the forces -why don't   
you go and ask them?"  
Whistler yelled "We know outcomes,kid! Not what's going in your   
head!"  
Buffy stopped "don't you know how the prohecy goes? If one girl dies,  
another slayer is called?"  
Whistler chuckled "you think killing the slayer will be easy? -think  
again, kid. It wouldn't be easy."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It's my life   
It's now or never   
I ain't gonna live forever   
I just want to live while I'm alive   
(It's my life)   
My heart is like an open highway   
I did it my way   
I just wanna live while I'm alive   
It's my life   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She walked silently down the hallways of pictures of old people who  
probably is 6 feet underground and maybe decomposing. These were the   
watcher's back then. Old and more old. Her stomach had butterflies and to  
her finding Giles was also like finding the slayer. And usually Giles spent  
his time in the library. Which where she was attepmting to find in the large  
castle -like buliding. Buffy rounded the corner to the invitable and heard  
distinct voices in her head, or maybe the large room in the corner.  
"Giles?" she called out, he called back.  
"In here" her replied, Buffy followed his voice and came into a large  
library.  
"Wow.. Giles.. You must like this place than the dinky room in   
Sunnydale.." she view some books then looked at him.  
"S-Sunnydale?" he questioned, there was that feeling again -de javu  
"w-well, I heard you took on vampires hours ago... how was it?"  
She shrugged "Same old feeling"  
There was a voice that came from behind the bookshelves.  
"oh, that reminds me. Buffy you should meet the slayer" he smiled and  
continued "you'd have a lot of questions to ask her, I doubt"   
Buffy gave a wry smile as Giles called to the girl.  
She turned her head and saw her. Like an angel in black. She came   
down the stepps and her heart broke.  
"Willow..."  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
TBC..... 


	3. Have you ever?

Have you ever  
------------  
By: Buffy Ann Summers  
  
Summary: She wasn't in charge of her life. She was judged without knowing.  
She fell in love. And lost. She's been given a new life. With a new slayer  
ruling her life. What is Buffy going to do now? B/S.... R/R!!! Please  
  
A/n: *sighs* okay this chapter mayber kinda crappy and all that but please!  
bear with me people, I am on a tight schedule and besides .. I have caught  
*dramatic backround music* the flu bug! bum-bum-bum! Well .. I only got the  
stuffy nose and the headeaches so... If I don't update after a day .. I'll   
let you know now.. I'll be dragging my limp body all the way to my computer!  
sooo... AGAIN! SORRY IT'S SHORT!!!  
  
Acknowledgements: Yea to Spike, who took Buffy in the back of a fast food  
restaraunt!!(maybe in the drive thru too!!) I can't wait for next week's   
episode!!!!!   
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Sometimes  
It's wrong to walk away  
Though you think it's over  
Knowing there's  
So much more to say  
Suddenly the moment's gone  
And all your dreams  
Are upside down  
And you just  
Want to change the way  
The world goes round  
Tell me  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She smiled as if seen under a diffrent light. Buffy couldn't belive  
what she was seeing.  
"Hi" the girl greeted with a light smile on her face "I'm Willow"  
Buffy blinked twice and blinked once more. Realizing her whole world  
had just crumbled behind her, she couldn't say anything.  
"Buffy" she forced "Buffy Summers"  
The words echoed in her hollowed soul. 'I'M WILLOW' it bounced, over  
over. Scaring the lited room with streaks of black. Dark night and dark stars  
opened their arms to her cold solitude. With pools of tears and rains of   
blood, she welcomed them.  
Like a knife brought forth from it's hidden sheath to stab her heart.  
She winced as the knife turned. Pain. What had come of this predicament?   
Willow smiled and the thought of killing her seemed to vanished. This was a   
true joke. Any less the forces could think this as a stand up comedy. This  
wasn't. It was a cruel, sick, and twisted punishment. But being the forces   
they were, they knew Buffy would have wanted her dead. Willow, who's hair  
was pulled back at the moment sat besides her and asked her all sorts of   
questions. She had fallen in love with a vampire -but she didn't really say   
who. Buffy sighed. This wasn't reality. It was a dimension, where all of the   
unspeakable happen.  
"How do you like it here?" Willow asked "Is it okay?"  
Buffy shrugged, she didn't feel like saying anything. But in doing so  
she would have seemed to be rude and ignorant. She forced herself to give a   
compliment.  
"It's o-okay, I guess. Gile- I mean my watcher never took me anywhere  
but home." she lied "but, I'll get use to it"   
Willow gave another one of the eerie smiles that was begginning to   
get on Buffy's nerves. It was. The smile on her face that crept and robbed  
her lips from innocence -made willow seem evil. Was that even possible? Buffy  
shook her head. A lifetime or century wouldn't make willow turn into a bad  
seed. Or would it? If Spike was still evil, and Willow still on the innocent  
school girl act was there still hope that the rest of the people she once  
knew would be the same or at least be themselves?  
Willow cleared her throat "So.. do you have friends where your from?"  
she asked "It must be great to have friends"  
Buffy was silent for a moment and thought "Well..." she paused to  
make sure she wasn't bound to say anything stupid or confusing "In a way, no.  
I-I guess when slaying is a big part of your life.." she thought of what   
Kendra had said to her a life ago, it sounded weird so Buffy did some   
alterations herself "Socializing just seems to plain.."  
Willow nodded "I see what you mean..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Have you ever loved  
And lost somebody  
Wished there was a chance  
To say I'm sorry  
Can't you see  
That's the way  
I feel about you and me  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Before she could say anything Giles had walked into the room. Same   
old Giles. Buffy sighed once more. She wanted Giles as her watcher more than  
anything. And now when she regreted all those times she didn't really take   
him seriously.   
"Willow" he called "The council wants to see you fit and in shape"  
he took one look at his slayer and then to the other girl "Quentin is waiting  
for you"  
Willow bid Buffy goodbye and left the room. Minutes later, Giles did  
too. It got quiet. Silenced crept upon the high shelves and stacks of books.  
She couldn't hear anything else, but Buffy sensed someone was in the room.  
Watching her from somewhere. Above, around, everywhere. Finding the location  
was a bit difficult. Nonetheless she searched. Tracing into long corridors  
of books and walls that wisphered secrets uttered long ago. The location of  
the library seemed unusual. It seemed dark, but not that bright. Still, the  
undenying feeling of someone following her was still there. She hushed   
herself to the point where she could hear herself breathe. She thought of the  
game Hide and seek. She seeked as the feeling hid. She began to force herself  
to belive that no one was there. And when she stopped searching, she heard   
the thumping of heavy boots that were walking her way. She didn't move and  
yet, watched the walls for any signs of shadows. Again she hushed.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Have you ever  
Felt your heart  
Was breaking?  
Looking down the road  
You should be taking  
I should know  
'Cause I loved and  
Lost the day  
I let you go  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was that moment she felt it close. Spunning around she caught his  
gaze. Simple eyes that read the heavens. Simple blue eyes that melted fears  
away. Simple blue eyes of long ago. In a duster that hung to the floor, he  
stood his ground -not wanting to break the silence that had been held. This  
girl. Something about this girl. From the way her hair fell to her shoulders  
to the curves of her face. This girl had something. This girl held someone.  
He took a step forward not wanting to scare her away. Nevertheless, she   
didn't. She looked sad. Like broken wings unable to fly. Her face that told  
him everything was not right looked away. Tears held back from her eyes fell  
against her will. Was those tears for him? The few droplets that streaked   
down her cheeks and down her chin shone brightly with despair. Tears that   
fell, robbed her face of the softness it once was. Were those for him?  
She looked back and rushed into his arms. Her soul colliding with   
his. Touched from the extreme softness of her hair he stroked them. Silk ran  
in between his fingers as he comforted her. He felt something awaken. From  
the depths of his mind. Memories, Collections of photographs, winding in his  
head. Peices of puzzles that have yet to be finished. Pieces that blurred out  
of view and vanished from his grasp. What were they?  
She quivered beneath his embrace and called out to him "Spike?" she  
ended the hug and looked into his eyes. He was beginning to find out. He was  
almost there "Do you know who I am?"  
It seem like he was nodding, but at the same time shaking his head in  
diapproval. All seemed lost until he spoke "I-I think I do, but I could try"  
He wanted the pictures to come back. He wanted them to tell him who exactly  
this girl was. And why was he feeling this way.  
Buffy smiled "There's hope for you yet" she wisphered in a relieved  
tone "There's hope"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Can't help but think  
That this is wrong  
We should be together  
Back in your arms  
Where I belong  
Now I finally realise  
It was forever  
That I found  
I'd give it all to  
Change the way  
The world goes round  
Tell me  
Have you ever loved  
And lost somebody  
Wished there was  
A chance to say  
I'm sorry  
Can't you see  
That's the way  
  
I feel about  
You and me, baby  
Have you ever  
Felt your heart  
Was breaking?  
Looking down the road  
You should be taking  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Her redhair blew in the wind. Training with Quentin Travers was like  
training with a viciouse three headed dog. And one which Willow Rosenburg  
would not like to start. She rounded the corner into the library and ran   
head on into a figure.  
"Spike?"  
"Willow"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I should know  
(I should know)  
'Cause I loved and  
Lost the day  
I let you go  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
TBC........... 


	4. Memories on Still

Memories on Still  
-----------------  
By: Buffy Ann Summers  
  
Summary: She wasn't in charge of her life. She was judged without knowing.  
She fell in love. And lost. She's been given a new life. With a new slayer  
ruling her life. What is Buffy going to do now? B/S.... R/R!!! Please!!  
  
A/N; *sigh* Anyone in high school have weightlifting class? WELL, I DO! and  
being sick and trying to lift what.. 100 lbs with you legs is not goood!   
well, anyways. Here's chap. 4! I know Buffi will be happy to know that it's   
up! have fun and please I am encouraging you to R/R!!!  
  
ACKNOWLEGEMENTS: UM... yea to me!!!  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
His future self caught up. And he was what he was before he had ever  
seen the girl with the silk strands. She questioned him about what he had   
been doing for the last couple of hours before dawn.  
"Around, pet" he stated leaving before Willow could have said   
anything to make him stay. It wasn't right. The nagging feeling he had in his  
gut. It told him something was wrong and yet, the thing the humans called  
conscience wasn't even close to what he was being told of. Words about loss  
and disobedience twined like air and wind. He couldn't touch it. Whatever it  
was. Nevertheless the slayer was still behind him. He knew around her the air  
spoke of his death if he hadn't cooperated. But he did. He let her live -for  
now. But even walking away from her made her even more brassed off he knew it  
was for the best. Much less he was in big trouble as it is. "just fuckin'   
sodd of" he snapped. His temperature and rage rose faster than anything on   
two legs could acomplish, regardless to the fact that even in the pace he was  
in he could beat anything that walked, crawled, or even flew -his anger rose   
even higher. But in his present state he wasn't in the mood to die by the   
likes of her. After all, he was the big bad.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Funny when you stop and think  
times goes faster then you blink  
nothings ever like it was  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Willow stopped the game of playing hide and stake. Killing William   
the bloody would have to come another day, even if ignoring the fact that his   
sorry butt still lingured in the castle, she shown great restraints -and   
should someday be noticed for that. Someday. And besides, she had other   
things to attend to. And those things were quite more important than chasing  
Spike up a tree. Buffy was part of them. The new girl that arrived earlier   
this -whatever date she arrived on. Willow paused. As a matter of fact, as  
Willow began to think about it no one knew she would be arriving. She just  
appeared. Poof, out of nowhere. She winced in pain as she felt a large ache  
in her brain. It punctured the hell out of her, and Willow kept her hands at  
her head grasping until the pain disappeared. Unusual. She again continued   
the pace she started before she stopped. Gone was the feeling she felt.   
How funny was that? Discomfort was like nothing to her, but all of a sudden  
the lacking discomfort she was feeling was too much for her to handle.   
Poking, puncturing, pushing, nudging, thrusting. Too much. She fell to her  
knees in pain. And like before, vanished in a few secounds. Willow sighed.  
Training was maybe getting to her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
but girl we've got a special thing  
all the happiness it brings  
is more than enough  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Buffy slumped into the chair that was quite far away from her.   
Absurd, he was playing the game she did years ago. The game she wrote the   
book on. Every rule to exception. Hers, now passed to him. What the hell was  
that suppose to mean? She scoffed. Spike playing the 'Buffy Game'. She ran  
her hand through her hair. This hair. This hair he love touching so much.   
This hair he loved so much. Well, damned the hair. She rustled through the   
counter where she had seen Giles had been earlier. Scissors. She held them   
in her fingers and let it slide against her blonde strands that hung loosly  
on her head. Strands that begged her to think it twice about reliving them  
of the roots. And besides, they were just hair. They would soon grow to the  
full extent that she had now. Nevertheless what were two years to her or   
more? The scissor's blade uttered it's condolences and in one swift movement  
stabbed them. Listlessly, they fell to the floor which held their burial   
grounds.  
Buffy sighed. She had done the same thing long ago. Bitter sweet   
memories on the tip of her tongue piled up. Coming when least expected.   
Lethel to the head than it is to the eyes. She let them go and the scissors  
came crashing on to the floor. Bitter damned memories. Haunting and screaming  
they called to her. Something else. Something beyond the boundaries that held  
her up. Boundaries way beyond the likes of punishment, death, and the so  
called forces. In hooded clads that touched the floor, in moans that rang in  
through her ear, in sight so gruesome, and in touch so numb. They called to  
her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
I know its hard to believe  
your still the biggest part of me  
all I'm living for  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike paused. He was far from society. He was far from her. The girl  
with the sun in her hair, and the moon in her skin. She was diffrent. He   
lessened his pace. No one would find him now. He scoffed. The girl was a   
witch. Playing his mind with magics and heebie jeebies. No more no less.  
Everyone wanted a piece of William just like the way the gypsies were after  
angel. Where was the old bloke' anyway? Spike rolled his eyes. Out shagging  
with lady love, he thought. He tried his best to divert his attentions from  
the girl he had met. She made him act a fool. Like a fellow in love.   
Ludacris, what did that wanker take him for? -human? Posh. Soddin' witch  
would have never done anything to him anyways. Again he paused for a moment,  
then why was the crazy bird still alive? he cursed, silently. Suddenly,   
movement had caught his eyes. Prey was here. More like -food with legs. He  
chuckled and followed the girl with brown hair.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I still think about you  
I still dream about you  
I still want you   
and need you by my side  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Willow twisted and turned from her bed. Something was wrong. And   
judging by the cold sweat that trickkled down her forehead, this was serious.  
  
[Xander: "I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All this splashing and   
jumping and running... shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?"  
Anya: "Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness."  
Tara: "Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just   
stay put."  
Willow: "I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks."]  
  
She flopped and wondered who the people around her where. The boy and  
the other two girls -she had never known them before. Nevertheless, she had  
never been to a beach before. She felt the wind waft against her face. So   
this was a beach, she thought. Giles had never brought her to one, so this  
must be a dream. But it felt real. Sitting in the sand, and all. She then   
gasped at one of the figures that approached her.  
  
"Game over?" she heard herself say, looking at the male figure then  
to -Buffy.   
"Buffy slayed the football." came his reply, she stared at her all   
happy. This had to be a dream. She then watched as the dream progressed.  
  
[Willow: "Ignis incende."  
Buffy: "Willow, check you out. Witch-fu."  
Willow: "It's no big. You just have to balance the elements, so when you   
affect one, you don't wind up causing... (rain starts) I didn't do it, I   
didn't do it!!]  
  
With a loud crash of thrunder, she awoke.  
"I didn't do it!" she gasped as Giles came rushing into her room   
mumbling about what was wrong. Willow's body shook harder than any other   
times she had been afraid. In the dream she was a witch. She wasn't the   
slayer. Witch, the wind howled. Willow shut her eyes and hugged her knees.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I'm still mad about you  
all I ever wanted was you  
your still the one  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She stared at the rain that stuck the window pane. They were like   
music to her tortured soul. She wanted to be home. She wanted life to exactly  
be the way it was. No surprises included. The water that blurred the windows  
from clear view, bothered her from the image she saw standing outside. She  
began to gaze at it and the lost into the abyss of daydreams.  
  
[Spike: I was gonna go inside, but I overheard you and the Super-friends   
exchanging a special moment and I came over a bit queasy.   
Say, aren't you leaving a hole in the middle of some soggy group hug?  
Buffy: Just wanted a little time alone.   
Spike: Oh, uh, right then. (he leaves as Buffy rplies)  
Buffy: That's okay. I can be alone with you here. (he stops walking)  
Spike: Thanks ever so.   
Buffy: Right.   
Spike: Buff? ... Slayer? Are you okay?   
Buffy: I'm here. I'm good.  
Spike: Buffy, if you're in ... if you're in pain ... or if you need   
anything... or if I can do anything for you...  
Buffy: You can't.  
Spike: Well, I haven't been to a hell dimension just of late, but I do know   
a thing or two about torment.   
Buffy: I was happy. Wherever I ... was ... I   
was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I   
knew it. Time ... didn't mean anything ... nothing had form ... but I was   
still me, you know? And I was warm ... and I was loved ... and I was   
finished. Complete. I don't understand about theology or dimensions,  
or ... any of it, really ... but I think I was in heaven. And now I'm not. I   
was torn out of there. Pulled out ... by my friends. Everything here is ...   
hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch ... this  
is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that ...   
knowing what I've lost...]   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It's hard to breathe when were apart  
your like sunshine in my heart  
I keep you here inside  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He stood outside with the rain beating down on him. He didn't know   
what he was doing. He didn't know why he was there . He didn't know   
what exactly brought him there either. All he knew, it was her. The girl  
that sat in front of the window this very moment and still wouldn't know who  
is that person standing outside in the rain. The girl who pulled back with a  
grin on her face and her hair just now above her shoulders. He stared at her.  
His eyes telling her that he was there. This was him. This was his package.  
This was all he had. Blue eyes that told her this time he wouldn't make a   
mistake. Blue eyes that told her he would be there. Blue eyes that begged for  
forgiveness.  
  
[BUFFY: Stop trying to see me. And stop calling me that.  
SPIKE: So, um ... what should I call you then? Pet?   
SPIKE: Sweetheart? My, uh ... little goldilocks?   
SPIKE: You know I love this hair. The way it bounces around when you-]  
  
The rain poured even harder than before and Buffy didn't wether to  
go out or stay in. Her mind fought a battle. She decided. And decided. Then   
realized what there was to lose. Nothing.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
you've been everything to me  
you've been and always will be  
the apple of my eye  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Willow sat up straight. She focused on Giles that sat on the foot of  
her bed. She was frightened. Giles spoke and she had a hard time listening  
to him.  
  
[Willow: "There Buffy is, middle of the night, and she finds this whole nest   
of vamps. And then she just goes 'Presto!'"  
Tara: "Only it won't be 'Presto', exactly."  
Willow: "And voomph! There's a floating ball of sunlight. Vamps get dusty."  
Tara: "You don't want to look right at it, though."]  
  
She smiled. It seemed funny to her. But, the dark blonde had caught  
her eye. Plain. Simple. And Pretty. Were three discriptions that fitted her.  
And that smile. The wispy smile, -it caught her.  
"Willow are you listening to me?" he called out to her, she snapped  
out of the daze.  
She nodded "Yea.."  
"Oh well," he sighed "maybe your dream isn't the end of the world   
kind .." he got up and smiled at the redhead "now get to sleep and have your   
rest, you'll need it for tomorrow.."  
She gave a questioned look "huh? what happens tomorrow, Giles?"  
"I'll kill you...."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
And I know its hard to believe  
your still the biggest part of me  
all I'm living for  
I still think about you  
I still dream about you  
I still want you  
and need you by my side  
I still mad about you  
all i ever wanted was you  
your still the one  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
The rain made her clothes damp as she stood outside. She didn't move  
but stood there absorbing the moment.  
"What are you doing back?" she asked, he was soaked to but the look   
on Spike's face told her that being wet, outside was the less on his mind.  
"I don't know,luv" he breathed "you tell me.."  
She shurgged "I dunno know .. the door was unlocked"  
He smiled "Yea, I noticed .. Your lil' watcher people should have   
that checked, someone dangerous might have gotten in"  
"Sing me a new one, Spike"  
"Well, I'm doing the best I can -Betsy"  
He had a grin on his face.  
"It's Buffy, you big ..bleached ..headed bully" she teased, he had   
walk an incredible amount of distance and was now face to face with her.  
"What can I say I've always been bad..."   
  
In a swift moment his lips caught hers. It rained even harder as  
lightning struck the sky. All of a sudden everything froze.  
"I got to hand it to yah, kid" came a voice "you just love to get on  
the bad side..."  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
TBC.......... 


	5. Untitled(for now)

Untitled(for now)  
-----------------  
by: Buffy Ann Summers  
  
Summary: She wasn't in charge of her life. She was judged without knowing.  
She fell in love. And lost. She's been given a new life. With a new slayer  
ruling her life. What is Buffy going to do now? B/S.... R/R!!! Please  
  
A/N: Soory took so long to update!!!!!!! I AM SOOOO SORRY! anyways kinda  
busey with highschool and the fact that tomorrow's valentines day!! so  
please bear with me and please! R/R!!!!  
  
Acknowledgements: to my computer who deals with me 24/7  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
She tore her eyes from the door that shut and quickly locked. 'Kill   
you' rang in her head as her mouth hang open. She quickly rushed to the door  
which were she pounded. No use. It was intact by whatever Giles had done in   
his free time besides of thinking to kill her. She called out for help.   
Finally, deciding after the 100th yell -no one was coming. No one had heard   
her. Willow slid down the door, sobbing. Little whimpers and sobbs that was   
only heard by her ears. She was scared and fought to not loose herself to it.  
She clutched her head and disappeared.  
  
"You heard me, kid" replied whistler "How is it you keep doing it?"  
  
"Huh?" Buffy gave a bewildered expression on her face that didn't   
last "You confusing me .. first you say I'm okay with Spike and then you say  
no way Jóse?! .. Jeez whistler make up your mind!"  
  
Whistler scoffed "I don't babe, the Forces do. I'm just the messenger  
here"  
"Your the messenger that's going to get his butt kicked if he doesn't  
do anything.." Buffy growled "Now if your not gonna cooperate, I'll beat you   
sensless till you do .."  
  
"Thank you for your vivid visuals..." he answered "But, this is how  
it goes from now on ..."  
  
"Five words or less and if I don't like it .." she glared at him   
"I'll still hurt you for comfort food..."  
  
Whistler looked at Buffy "No Spike. But...."  
  
Buffy looked into his eyes. They looked diffrent. Far. Gone.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What's wrong with her?" a voice asked peering over her  
  
"How long has she been like this?" asked another voice  
  
"I don't know .. Long I guess .. Willow found her like this and   
called you in London." the voice sighed "She hasn't moved since.."  
  
"Is Buffy going to be okay?"  
  
"Were not sure Dawn, were not sure ...."  
  
They huddled around the petite body that was still warm. She wasn't  
cold. She wasn't dead.  
  
"So how's the, Kid?" came a voice. Giles turned around and found a  
short man in causual clothes "my name is whistler. And I bring bad news"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I got a propasition .. a one for one .." he smirked, as the willow  
slayer appeared "him for her"  
  
"And you want me to do what? .. show you how to kick high?"   
  
Whistler smirked "I want to you kill her"  
  
Buffy's eyes widened "You want me to -to ..NO"  
  
The words stopped dead in her ears and they plagued herto answer.  
She didn't want to. It went against everything in the slayer handbook. Even  
if there was none it went against her right to be human. Her face turned   
cross and the every inch of Buffy melted away like ice. This was the slayer  
now. Not Buffy Summers.  
  
"And what if I said no" came her voice  
  
Whistler chuckled "then I'll try and try to convince you right after  
I kill him .."  
  
He looked at Spike who was still frozen "do we have a deal? .. It's   
a two way street from where I'm standing. You fight her and get the vamp or  
you don't fight her and I'll have her kill the both of you! it's a two for  
one deal, slayer. C'mon choose your poison"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Does the word forces ring a bell to any of you?" whistler asked,  
Anya rose her hand  
  
"weren't they three powerful beings that is said to have done   
creation?"  
  
Giles looked at her and also added a bit of his informantion "As a  
watcher, I heard some tales of the forces. They said they too created the   
first slayer, and is said to be the ones choosing the slayer"  
  
Whistler imitated a buzzer "folks we have a winner here" he answered.  
Willow looked at him in confusion.  
  
"So what does this have to do with our Buffy?"  
  
Whistler sighed "the slayer was judged from my account. She passed.  
And now is missing..."  
  
"Missing? how could she be missing? -she's right there!"  
  
"no" he shook his head "her body ... but not her soul"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I'm not fighting Willow..." she answered, Whistler sighed and   
touched the red heads shoulder. Willows eyes turned red "Then I have no   
choice ..."  
  
Willow lunged at Buffy with full force that knocked them both to the  
ground. As Buffy tried to get up she was knocked down by a blow from willow's  
clentched fists. It hurt. And it hurt like hell. Buffy wiped the blood that  
trailed down her lips. Lashing a back kick, it was Willow's turn to fall flat   
on her face. Suddenly, she noticed at a piece of her skin had fallen off   
revealing a black matter that seeped from the wound. This was no willow. This  
wasn't the girl she had cinfinded her secrets to. The girl who knew he better  
than Spike could ever knew. This was something else.  
  
"What the hell is this?" Buffy rose to slayer stance and twisted the   
things neck. It fell to the ground a formed into gas which disappeared into  
the sky. She turned to whistler "Okay hotshot, what was that?"  
  
Whistler chuckled "you passed phase one ..."  
  
"And what? -what's phase two?"  
  
"your watcher..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"So your saying that's just Buffy -body?" answered willow "just skin  
and bones"  
  
"pretty much it" he replied  
  
"So where is she now?" she asked, whistler shot a look at the body.  
  
"Where all souls go to get a new life" a half smile crept his lips  
"since this is the slayer I wager she already gots one"  
  
"Is there anyway to get her back?" Willow again asked.  
  
It was Anya's turn to speak "yes. But it has to come from Buffy.   
Being judged also means she is going to be tested. As far as I can remember.  
They also test you if the life they give is just right for you. The person  
is to fight the 3 judges if they loose they keep the life they have, and if  
they don't their given back their old life...."  
  
Willow perked "well then, we have nothing to worry about. Buffy's the  
slayer she'll win"  
  
"Nuh-uh" whistler shook his head at this "the three judges will be  
disguised as people she knew well and loved .. It is a challenge. I doubt she  
will never pass the third judge"  
  
"So what'll happen to her if she faces the third?"  
  
Whistler didn't say anything for awhile. He absorbed the silence and  
then spoke "She might die ..."  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


End file.
